Wednesday, October 24, 2018

I Am Not Your Momma

Inspired by the poem "I Am Not a Taco" by Santino J. Rivera and my amazing colleague/friend Mr. Steven Arenas! [You can read about the awesome lesson he created in the fantastic article he wrote, published in the Texas Education Review, by going here.]

2018-10-16
Phoenix, AZ

I am not your momma
I am not your cool older sister
I am not a saint or a martyr
I am not a bleeding heart
I am not a know-it-all
I am not quiet all the time
I am not always bossy
I am not unopinionated
I am not staying in all weekend
I am not grading your papers on vacation
I am not reading Shakespeare all the time
I am not always using perfect grammar
I am not always correcting other people’s spelling
I am not your free personal editing service
I am not only passionate about books
I am not a cat lady
I am not a culture snob
I am not clueless
I am not forgetful of what it’s like to be seventeen
I am not a preschool worker
I am not a magician
I am not a politician

I am none of these things
I simply am
           A teacher

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Anne and Me

[A literacy narrative written for ENG 506]
4 September 2018
Tempe, AZ


Anne and Me

When I was eleven, my greatest wish in the world was to have red hair. Two of my
favorite heroines from the books I loved had red hair: the clever and intrepid Girl Detective
Nancy Drew and my personal favorite, the carrot-haired orphan, Anne Shirley from Avonlea.
The most exciting things, it seemed, happened to young women with red hair. To my preteen
mind, it seemed impossibly unfair that I couldn’t have red hair, too.

In those awkward years of transition from girl to almost adult, I generally preferred books
to people. I don’t have any memories of my parents reading to me as a child, but I do remember
the stack of Nora Roberts paperbacks on my mother’s nightstand and the rows of well-worn Tom
Clancy and John Grisham books on the shelves in my father’s study, which he would let me take
down and “play library” with or even try to read a few pages of closely-printed black type before
I lost interest. Our mother took my sister and me to the local public library nearly every Saturday
morning, and she would let us check out as many books as we wanted from any part of the
library, as long as we could carry them out ourselves. I loved the library: the smell of dust and
paper, the cool, dry air, the shadows between the tall metal shelves. I loved that my mother, who
rarely trusted us out of her sight in public, would let me wander off on my own between the
stacks, sometimes for hours, until I emerged juggling a too-tall pile of books in my arms, to find
the two of them waiting patiently on the wooden bench by the library’s front doors. Returning
home, I would spend the rest of the day in the cool semi-darkness of our sitting room, lying flat on my back on the couch, my stack of books piled precariously high on the coffee table at my
right elbow.

I’m not sure exactly what it was about L. M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables series
that attracted me so strongly, but I do know that I read the whole eight-book series cover to cover
several times and watched the made-for-TV movies more times than I can count. Anne Shirley,
the orphan who was supposed to be a boy but managed to talk her way into staying anyway,
seemed to me a creature utterly different from everything and everyone I knew. I loved her wild
imagination and her romantic spirit, her devotion to her adopted parents Matthew and Marilla
Cuthbert, her loyal friendship to the girl next door, Diana Barry, and her hatred-turned-rivalry-
turned-friendship-turned-romance-turned-marriage with Gilbert Blythe, the clever, popular, and
kind boy who lived down the lane. I envied her courage and her ability (or curse) to speak
exactly what she was thinking, her capacity for dramatic, yet ultimately harmless escapades, and
her poise and wit under pressure. I was fascinated by Anne’s little country farmhouse, her idyllic
small town, the charming pace of rural life before cars and telephones. For a quiet, bookish,
Chinese American daughter of immigrants from Taiwan and Singapore, feeling stranded in the
suburbs in the dry, unforgiving heat of Arizona, Anne’s life seemed to be completely removed
from my own. And yet, I identified with how Anne’s over-vivid imagination sometimes kept her
from interacting properly with the people around her, how she found pride and validation in her
success at school, how she thirsted for words and books and knowledge like a parched woman in
the desert; I remember, like Anne, understanding what it felt like to be an outsider, too.

I’m still learning the numerous ways that Anne has impacted who I am as a reader, a
writer, a teacher, and a woman. As a girl, Anne taught me that a woman should be valued for her
brain more than her looks, but that it’s completely okay to want to feel smart and pretty at the same time. She taught me that real, lasting love of all kinds is less likely to be dramatic and
“romantical” than quiet and steady. She taught me about the power of education to change a life,
that reading and writing could help me build the life I wanted for myself. As an adult, Anne
reminds me to hold on to my childhood pleasure in imagination and stories, to see beauty in the
small, simple things, and to remain hopeful even in the darkest of circumstances. She reminds
me that even in the midst of great grief, there can still be room for great joy. As a teacher, Anne
reminds me to look beyond a student’s troubled past or tendency toward daydreaming or too-
intense emotions to the potential inside of them. She reminds me that books give us the
opportunity to step into the lives of people who may seem utterly different and yet turn out to be
remarkably similar to ourselves, and she reminds me of how powerful such experiences are for
young people in particular. Of course, reading (and watching) Anne twenty years later is a very
different experience. My adult mind, trained to analyze and critique and to notice what isn’t
being said in the spaces between the stories, recognizes that Anne’s world isn’t as perfect or
idyllic as it seemed to me when I was eleven. But even now, the remembrance of Anne’s joy and
warmth and spirit still lingers, as does my old, improbable, illogical childhood desire for red hair.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Writing Our Own Grand Stories

Writing Our Own Grand Stories
July 9, 2018
New York City

As a young child, I loved stories. My mother would take my sister and me to the public
library on Saturday mornings, and I would pull books down off the tall shelves like choosing
candy bars in the check-out lane—arms already almost too full, twitching fingers eager to caress
the smooth plastic wrappers, mouth practically watering. When we got back home, I would lie
flat on the couch in the front sitting room, away from all distractions, like my parents or my baby
sister or the murmur of the television, and read all afternoon, barely stopping to eat dinner when
called. I was usually ready to return to the library by Tuesday, but my mom was firm: library
visits were only for Saturday mornings. So I waited the next four days, famished, craving stories
until the next time I could glut myself on a feast of words.

I recognize now that I consumed these stories so voraciously because I had a deep
desire in my soul to be part of a Grand Story. The adventures I read in my books were full of
magic and adventure, quests and dragons and heroines who saved the day with their wit and
strength. My uneventful suburban life seemed incredibly boring in comparison. I was not an
orphan sent to live with a spinster and her brother in the countryside or an intrepid young private
detective with a blue roadster or even a bad-tempered tomboy with the soul of a writer, waiting
with my three sisters for my father to come home from war. I was just a quiet, bookish Chinese
American girl living in Arizona. Nothing of note ever happened to girls like me in places like
mine. And while I could see bits of Anne, Nancy, and Jo in myself, none of my favorite heroines
quite seemed enough like me for me to believe that I could be part of my own Grand Story one
day.

As a young teacher, I was told that what matters most when teaching is to focus on
skills. Students didn’t need to write their own narratives and poems; they needed to learn to
analyze and parse, to communicate clearly and effectively, not beautifully or creatively. I was
warned to stay away from personal narratives or poems: “There are some things about your
students that you don’t want to know,” they said. “What if they told you something you had to
report?” It was safer to keep a professional distance. “Really, by high school, they should be
past writing little stories about themselves, anyway.” I could maybe do some narrative at the
beginning of the year as a warm up to more complex writing assignments if I had to, but really, it
wasn’t worth my time. And poetry? Sure, they could write a sonnet or something if it would help
them to appreciate how difficult it is, but would the state test ever ask them to write a poem?
Never. It barely even asked them to analyze one. Better to spend my time on informational
texts. Besides, it would be unfair to grade a student on their “creativity”, anyway. Some people
just aren’t creative. That’s not what English class is about.

But I’m learning more every day about how stories, especially personal ones, inform my
life, whether or not I write them down. The stories I tell myself about my own life shape how I
understand my personal memories, my family history, and my cultural identities. The written and
unwritten narratives that the world tells about me as a woman, as an Asian American, as a
daughter of immigrants, as a teacher, as a person of faith—those all impact how I am perceived
by others and how I interact with the world. I need to listen to and comprehend those narratives
so that I can learn to navigate them well. And, perhaps, if there aren’t enough stories about
people like me, it may be my job to write them.

What is true for me, in this case, is also true for my students.

The stories they tell themselves about their own lives absolutely affect how they perceive
their own human worth, their place in the world, their relationships with their friends and families,
and their goals for their own present and future. Although many of them have significant social,
academic, financial, and emotional challenges, I am regularly inspired by the goals, dreams,
and ambitions of my students as they navigate school and work and family and friendship and
life.

The stories the world tells about them are more problematic: immigrants, children of
immigrants, Hispanic, Black, Native American, multiracial, Generation Z, female, male, foster
children, residents of low income neighborhoods, non-native English speakers, first generation
college students—often it feels as though the stories the world tells about my students can be
unrelentingly negative, or at least disconcertingly monolithic. While literature for young adults
has come a long way in recent years, it is still difficult for many of them to find stories they can
see themselves in, to help them believe that they, too, are part of a Grand Story.

Since those early years of teaching, I have come to recognize the necessity for making
space inside and outside of our classroom for my students to tell their own stories and to take
back their narratives. I’m not absolved from this responsibility when I find small pockets of time
in my overpacked curriculum to do a “fun project”; my work as a teacher for social justice is to
find a way to make it the center of our work together. I want my students to believe that their
stories about their lives are valid and meaningful, that their experiences may be personal and
individual, but they also have much in common with others. Because the stories we tell about
ourselves and about others truly do make a difference, not only in how we see ourselves and
our place in the world, but how we see those in the world around us.

Empowering my students to stand up for justice and make positive change in the world
must start with empowering them to tell their own stories and to listen carefully to the stories of
others. Whether these stories take the form of poetry, narrative, survivor testimony,
documentary film, oil painting, expression of faith, or musical performance, stories are the first
step toward connecting us to each other and to the larger narrative of our communities and our
world. When my students and I write and share our own stories, we become part of the
narrative. We write our own Grand Stories together.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

"How did you write what you wrote?"

June 23, 2018
New York City


How did I write what I wrote?

Settling in.
A folding chair. Notebook open on the table in front of me.
Water bottle set just so. Pen in hand.

I take a breath.
A beat.
Another beat.

What will I do if the words won't come?
Will I just sit here forever,
awkward in silence,
eyes watching the page
like students waiting for the last bell of the day?

An opening phrase flits through my mind

and I pin it down with my pen.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

A Fragment

June 19, 2018
New York City

A Fragment.

Perhaps to be human is the impulse
to give love and seek love
beyond expectation of return,

hands reaching out, fumbling in the dark,

one last gasp of hope,

again,

again,

again.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Written on the Third Floor of the Museum of Jewish Heritage

June 18, 2018
New York City

Written on the Third Floor of the Museum of Jewish Heritage

Air. Space. Quiet echoes.

The view of the water and
the Statue of Liberty across it

Room to breathe and reflect

Room to make sense and make space

Room not to let go, but to hold loosely
a fragile thought pulsing with life

like an egg in the palm of your hand
or a bird
or the promise of wings.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Where I'm From, Version C

June 17, 2018
New York City

Where I'm From

I'm from saguaro cactus,
    from the prickly pear I scurried past
    on my way home from the bus stop.

I'm from digging holes in the backyard,
    from ground so hard and dry
    I had to drown it to make it yield.

I'm from white rice, from egg noodle soup,
    from dim sum and barbeque pork buns.
I'm from tacos, from chorizo,
    from horchata and limonada.

I'm from the jobs my father worked
    to put himself through college.
I'm from the English my mother learned
    to get along in a new country.

I'm from perms, from scrunchies,
    from Mommy brushing my hair too hard.

I'm from day trips to the White Mountains
    to play in the snow, then driving back
    to the desert heat by evening.

I'm from sheet music, from music stands,
    from Mommy's piano in the sitting room.
I'm from singing along to the Bee Gees with Daddy in the car.
I'm from piano lessons, from music competitions,
    from recitals at the mall.
I'm from stuffing my flute case into my backpack for school
    then carrying it home again.

I'm from books, from stacks of papers,
    from students' handwritten thank you notes.
I'm from Saturday mornings at the library
    and Saturday afternoons reading
    on the living room couch.
I'm from Nancy Drew and Anne of Green Gables
    and Encyclopedia Brown and Meet Felicity.
I'm from stealing paperback romance novels from my mom
    and John Grisham thrillers from my dad.
I'm from reading to my sister on the bottom bunk after bedtime,
    huddled together, a cocoon
    of blankets and words and love.


I Am Not Your Momma

Inspired by the poem "I Am Not a Taco" by Santino J. Rivera and my amazing colleague/friend Mr. Steven Arenas! [You can read about...