How to Be Alone - by Tanya Davis
ALONE.
I used to have a real terror of being alone. I realize now that this is strange, considering how much of an introvert I am, how much time I need by myself to recharge. But living in a close-knit family with a close sister, a multitude of cousins and uncles and aunts, I never really had to be alone unless I chose to be. Even now, I make conscious and unconscious choices to NOT be alone, placing structures into my life that prevent my alone-ness.
I imagine it must be significant, then, that I've become a teacher--a profession in which, although I am surrounded by children all day, I am basically working alone nearly all the time. Sometimes, it is, indeed, lonely, and other times I feel it is not alone enough--I crave those moments where I can be quietly, blessedly alone in my classroom, no kids, no administrators, just me and the quiet hum of my computer, working, and 36 empty desks waiting patiently to be filled again.
Sometimes when I feel the need to trace patterns in my life, I think that I'm being trained on how to be alone. Maybe the cliche is true, that it is only when we learn to be alone with ourselves that we are any good at being together with other people. Maybe this is just one of those platitudes together-people tell single-people to say it's okay that you are waiting, to comfort you in your loneliness by assuring you that it is temporary. Maybe this is a lesson that just applies to me. Maybe, maybe I work too hard to find universal truths to reassure myself that I am not alone in the universe.
Whatever it is, I have learned to find pleasure in small moments of solitude--shopping, reading, watching TV, exploring the outdoors, wandering a museum. These moments are precious to me. Sometimes the people I'm with find this uncomfortable, I think. Some people understand. Those people, perhaps, are lonely, happy, peaceful people like me.
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